you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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