Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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