i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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