i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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