We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
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So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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