I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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