im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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