I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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