Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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