im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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