Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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