3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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