Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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