I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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