I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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