Just fell off a train. Bad.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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