cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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