He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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