I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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