You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
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So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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