Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
