I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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