I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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