I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize