mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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