she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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