Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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