oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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