You made me cry and you don't even care
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize