Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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