ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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