you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize