She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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