a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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