He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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