my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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