ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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