I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize