is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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