Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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