Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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