Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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