Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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