Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
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You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize