I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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