he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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