I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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