First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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