Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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