i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize